I remember you knitting, I remember me knitting, what I made were thin silly scarfs for you my beloved. I remember you drawing elephants. I remember the time I was really ill with measles and you came and brought me things. You who drew the curtains to keep out the light protecting my eyes, looking after me. I remember the end - its plays constantly in my mind. You holding on, holding on to me. Holding my hand. My hand in yours and the letting go. Telling you I would be able to live without you was the hardest thing. I've lived that lie, it has cost me dear, cut me deep, but I've lived it and continue to live it. The lie - the biggest lie that I am still alive. We both know I died with you that night. THere have been times when I've been happy, truly happy - Ben getting his GCSE's, Hannah speaking, Tim - beautiful clever Tim, the birth of Toby, Ben getting a first class degree and then an MA. TIm winning an Art award. Tim being in the top set at school. Hannah passing her GCSE's. Toby's football goals. These are the highlights of my life. The events I cherish. Gran you are with me. Every event I make sure my children know you would be proud. I love you. I will love you until the very end of time.