New Years Eve is a time for family but I am as usual alone thinking of you. Remember the good times we had. The long ribbon of sorrow winds ever round me, in every turn the very air seems to whisper 'I miss you, I miss you'. Gran I miss your singing, your love of horror films and stories, of making potato hash - just being you. My very dear you. I thought losing you would be the hardest, saddest thing in the whole of my life, it is, but a very close second is having to let Ben grow up and make his own life. A life where someone else other me is the centre. I've made sure Ben does not love me in the same way I love you. You know he's the love of my life. When you died he kept me alive, made me life because he needed me. No-one ever mentions the real hardest part of being a mother - its letting your children leave you and give their precious love to someone else. Love you Gran always and forever, until the very end of time.