I was so tired this evening, felt like giving up. Life is so tough. Things are not going well for my lovely wonderful Ben and its hard. I took Ben out for his tea to a place in Castle, near to the house you grow up in. It was so comforting knowing I was near the house of your childhood. Its a commercial property now, sadly not open to the public. I've often thought of asking to go inside just to feel that little bit more connection with you and the past. Something stops me asking, I think I would not be able to leave. I always miss you more when its raining at night - rain reminds me of you. My dearest, darling you are missed so very much.